


Abstractions

by shsleon (drevis)



Series: Please tell me how I'm supposed to deal with losing you [2]
Category: Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Computer Viruses, Dissociation, Grief/Mourning, M/M, Nightmares, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Self-Hatred
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-10
Updated: 2020-08-10
Packaged: 2021-03-05 22:28:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,686
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25822894
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/drevis/pseuds/shsleon
Summary: As despair sets in, the simulation begins to break. Kazuichi is breaking down with it.This is a direct sequel to Dove. You will not understand this if you have not read it, so please do.
Relationships: Soda Kazuichi/Tanaka Gundham, Sonia Nevermind & Soda Kazuichi
Series: Please tell me how I'm supposed to deal with losing you [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1734682
Comments: 5
Kudos: 90





	Abstractions

**Author's Note:**

> This is dedicated to Keith, who I love very much.

Within the Neo World Program, a few errant lines of code laid dormant. When the first student died in the Killing Game Simulator, this code activated and began to corrupt the simulator’s data. Every time a death occured, the corruption spread. By the time the fourth execution happened, the simulation was barely stable, and none of the students were okay.

Kazuichi Soda felt as if he was the worst off.

He had spent every day since Gundham’s death in an extremely irritable state, snapping at anyone who asked what was wrong. He didn’t want any help; he wanted to let himself hurt for how he treated Gundham. Gundham, who was so gentle in his final hours, so caring when Kazuichi was at his worst, who was so in love with him that he sacrificed his own life to save…

He refused to let himself think that. The sacrifice wasn’t for him- he wasn’t good enough for that. 

Yes, Kazuichi had come to convince himself that Gundham was playing a trick on him. Who would stoop as low as to love Kazuichi? He was foul-mouthed, cowardly, clingy… What was there to love about him?

To combat these feelings of worthlessness after Gundham’s execution, he sat up all night with some scraps he collected from Nekomaru’s body. Despite his whole body feeling fuzzy and fake, he managed to build a small replica of their lost compatriot. When he presented it to Akane the following morning, she threw her arms around him in a grateful embrace. The other students seemed surprised by this abnormally selfless gesture. He wished they didn’t have to be.

Every night was a sleepless one- at the very best, he could lie down and pretend that Gundham was okay for a few minutes. Reality always jolted him awake, though, and he spent the rest of the night either pacing in his cottage or sitting out on the beach. Every time he went to the beach and sat on a rock, he brought Gundham’s final note with him. He memorized every word, the crease becoming worn and soft.

One night, he supposed he was too loud with his tears as he walked to the beach, as Sonia followed him from rather far behind. He sat in his usual place, folding and unfolding the letter. The grief was hitting him harder than it had before, and his whole body was wracked with ugly sobs. Sonia laid a hand on his shoulder, having approached him soundlessly.

“I miss him too,” she murmured, offering a gentle squeeze to the grieving man’s shoulder.

Kazuichi was too tired to react. He continued to shudder with tears of longing for what he could have had. He didn’t move when Sonia sat beside him, instead choosing to bow his head to obscure himself from view. She plucked the note hanging limply from his hand, and sat there until he was finished crying.

“Did you know?”

Kazuichi’s question hung like fog in the air. He didn’t expect an answer, because what gave him the right to receive answers? Why would he deserve an answer from Sonia? He wanted her to hate him. To scold him for how he acted. After all, he deserved a slap across the face for how he treated her before.

“Always.”

After Sonia guided him back to his cottage and pressed the note into his palm once again, Kazuichi went to bed. He curled up under his blankets and, for the first time in nearly a week, fell asleep. It was supposed to be dreamless, of course, because how can you simulate a dream? Yes, the students’ consciousnesses were directly wired into the game, but their brains did not receive enough active stimuli to facilitate dreams. Tonight was different, but only for Kazuichi.

In his dream, he was lying on a cold metal table. The ceiling above him was black, with green numbers and letters scrolling forever upwards. A mechanical whirr, almost like that of a computer’s fan, burrowed into Kazuichi’s eardrums. He found this situation quite odd, as it had been a while since he had a dream. He didn’t know that every student was in a simulation, and he especially didn’t know that the simulation was falling apart at the seams. The corrupted code had all but destroyed the base functions of the program, and Kazuichi’s connection was the first to become unstable. If he was more computer-oriented, he might have recognized this.

Before he could even fathom what might have been happening, he woke up.

Kazuichi dressed himself and showered as usual, then headed off to the restaurant to meet up with the remaining students. Sonia was standing by the stairs, and perked up when she saw him. He gave her a tired smile.

“Thank you for last night,” Kazuichi croaked, glancing up at Sonia.

She smiled at him gently and shrugged. They stood there for a few seconds in silence, looking at each other and trying to think of what to say. Kazuichi was the one to break it, straightening his posture and adjusting his beanie as he spoke.

“I’m… really sorry, Sonia. For treating you how I did. It wasn’t cool of me to act like you were perfect.”

“I forgive you, Kazuichi,” she chirped, a smile of relief gracing her face.

The two new friends started up the stairs to the restaurant, already a little late for the compulsory meeting. Monomi was finally back from defeating the final Monobeast, which meant that the fifth (and final) island was finally open. With that news, there also came the expectation of another murder. Something ugly within Kazuichi’s subconscious wished it would be him.

Absolutely nothing could prepare anyone for what would happen over the next three days.

Everyone agreed they needed to tie Nagito up again. He was incredibly dangerous- he might end up becoming the next blackened. A plan was made, far from any possible places Nagito could eavesdrop from. The new island provided plenty of supplies to trap the suspicious student with, so it wasn’t long at all until the full trap was set… All they needed was the prey.

Everything went pear-shaped. Kazuichi didn’t fully realize how terrifying explosions could be until he was caught in one. When he returned to his cottage that night, he broke down crying and collapsed on the floor. The fear and stress building within him was too much to handle, and as he lay clutching his hair and hitting his head on the floor, he drifted into unconsciousness.

It wasn’t so much a dream as it was a revelation.

Kazuichi looked at his hands- in his dream, of course- and saw only strings of racing binary. The world around him, or rather, what was left of it, was the same, pitch black landscapes and objects with only scrolling green ones and zeroes. Amazed at this sight, he looked all around the place where he stood. The sky, each blade of grass, the clothes on his body… None of it was real. 

_ This is a fucked up dream,  _ Kazuichi thought.  _ Why am I here? Why can’t I see anything? _

All he could do was walk, so he did. He walked for what seemed like forever along strings of code, hoping to wake up soon. As he walked, he had the strangest feeling that he knew where he was. This was his cottage, and he was standing in front of it. To wake up, he needed to go inside. Realizing all of that startled Kazuichi. How could he know any of this? What was happening to him?

Was anything real?

Kazuichi reached out and turned the doorknob to his cottage, terrified of what he would see.

He saw the wooden floor of his cottage beneath him.

It was still nighttime, and very late at that. Kazuichi’s experience had left him too shaken to return to sleep, so he decided to go on a walk. He shuffled along the pavement on the first island, not really wanting to do anything in particular. It wasn’t long before he heard footsteps behind him. They were familiar, the sound of slight heels colliding with concrete. He knew it was Sonia. She caught up to him quickly, and soon walked beside him at his pace without saying a word. He glanced over at her, the lingering fear of his dream causing him to expect a mass of code.

She was human, thank God.

Her hair was neatly braided, and she wore a green nightgown. Kazuichi understood why he thought he was attracted to her; she was objectively beautiful. He felt a little more insecure about his own appearance around Sonia, which he knew was silly. If she was a hummingbird, he was a pigeon: not as striking, but still a bird.

That analogy caused Kazuichi to cringe. He loved birds, he missed receiving them every morning from Gundham. He missed Gundham. Kazuichi had never experienced such kind acts of love before, and the feeling of being loved was addictive to him. This newfound absence of a secret lover suffocated him and all he could do was blame himself for it.

He felt a hand upon his shoulder. Sonia was looking at him with a near pained expression.

“You’re crying,” she stated simply.

Sure enough, he could feel tears dripping down his face. He frowned and wiped his eyes.

“Thanks. ‘M sorry.” He mumbled, his voice breaking at the end of his apology.

She laughed her musical little laugh, yet made no attempt to feign humour. Her hand squeezed his shoulder as a gentle reassurance. Kazuichi and Sonia came to a slow stop at the fence outside of the airport, with no apparent reason behind it. Kazuichi wondered to himself if it was programmed. He shook his head violently to get that thought out like it was water in his ears, letting a long period of silence hang between him and his companion.

"I want to help you feel better."

The loss of silence caused Kazuichi to flinch.

"I need you to know that, Kazuichi. I want to help in any way that I can."

**Author's Note:**

> I have absolutely no clue when I will add the next chapter. I would like to be open with whoever reads this, and tell you that I am severely depressed. Writing is hard.  
> I wanted to post what I have written so you can get a feel for what is to come. I hope you enjoyed it.


End file.
